BALL AND CHAIN : The UK’s government, known by itself as the sports car of administrations the world over, has announced its intention to withdraw from the European Arrest Warrant.
“We’re getting our sovereignty back,” a figment of the imagination. claiming to be a Downing Street source, said, “total and complete sovereignty. Much like North Korea, well, except for the bits where they let China push them about. So much like North Korea.”
The Warrant makes it much easier to remove foreign born criminals from the UK and ship them back where they came from.
“Why would we make it harder to send lawbreakers back home?” the source went on, “especially when we’re tough on crime and our prisons are overflowing? It’s about foreign born expertise. Our government sends a lot more of them back, prior to taking back control, then they send to us. So really, as with everything, the EU needs us more than we need them.”
But some have speculated, totally without justification, that it doesn’t make any sense. That once again Brexit is causing the UK to cut its nose off to spite its face. It will now be harder to extradite British criminals back to the UK to face justice.
“Now you’re getting it,” the source winked, “have you seen the reports on the scale of money laundering going on in London? Basically one of the pillars of Global Britain’s economy right there. You don’t want to kill the golden goose. Not that these issues are in any way related.”
Maybe the next time a sitting Tory MP faces trial for fraud or some egregious personal crime they can just bugger off to Spain?
“I wouldn’t have thought so. Not when they can be convicted and then be re-selected. It’s 2020 remember. Let’s just say we’re withdrawing out of professional courtesy and leave it at that. And for one other reason.”
“If the bloody stuffed shirts in Brussels had agreed to rename it the British Arrest Warrant we would have stayed in it. Just like the European Court of Justice and the whole EU itself.”