Scurvy tops list of diseases classified “Patriotic” by Downing Street

ARE YOU FEELING WARM OR FAINT : The NHS is set to save billions on dental care in the years to come as traditional British diseases are set for a patriotic comeback.

“It’s not just rickets,” a Downing Street source told LCD Views, “once we no longer have imports of citrus scurvy is back too. And once all the teeth fall out from the gammy gums of ageing patriots then we will save billions by not having to pay for dental care. Remember, you can eat mud with no teeth so long as the mud has a Union Jack sticker on it.”

But not to fear, scurvy isn’t alone, rickets is on the revised list of diseases newly classified as “Patriotic” by the genius brain-boxes now running the United Kingdom (on behalf of American and Russian kleptocrats).

“When Britons suffer, and suffer willingly, having decided at the ballot box to elect a bunch of entitled half-wits driven solely by self-aggrandisement, greed and a skewed understanding of Darwinism, that suffering shows the world how mighty an independent, sovereign country is. We do not need engagement with complex, cross border supply chains. Apparently now we don’t even need farms! How that squares with no needing complex, cross border supply chains? I’m sure a genius will be along to explain soon. Presumably we’ll 3D print food.”

The full list of diseases you can volunteer to suffer from to show Brussels who holds all the cards will be published shortly.

“Make mine a pick ‘n mix. I think that will be the slogan. A little bit of scurvy, some rickets and a few open sores, that’s how you’ll tell a patriot. Remember, some short term pain is necessary to make a success of Brexit. No one ever said it would be any different.”

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