It’s a dog’s life. Yet another prominent figure has tendered his resignation amid allegations of bullying. This time it is not a mere unelected bureaucrat, but the highly influential Downing Street figure of Dilyn the Dog.
The named bully is none other than the once highly popular Larry the Cat. “Larry is always scratching, backbiting and leaving dead mice in my basket,” barked Dilyn. “It leaves me feeling ruff. Ruff, ruff, ruff.”
Dilyn isn’t the first inhabitant of Downing Street to be dogged by Larry. The malicious moggy is also facing accusations from Babe, David Cameron’s pet pig, and Boris the Downing Street poodle. He is also defending a class action from a number of harassed mice.
Larry has been stoutly defended by Downing Street. There is no way he will end up in the doghouse.
LCD Views managed to track down Babe to St Gammon’s Kill And Cure Rest Sty for Retired Swine. Babe was very forthcoming about her experiences with Larry.
“That cat was a right bastard,” snorted Babe. “He never left me and Dave alone in peace. I was employed to do just the one job for Dave, but Larry saw to it that my life was made hell. Every time we got down to business, and I use the term advisedly, he would scratch at the door and yowl. Every time Dave got his trousers up and opened the door, Larry would just sit there like he owned the place, be sick on my trotters and stalk out. I was in therapy for years after.”
Talk about making a silk ear from a sow’s purse. Or whatever.
As for the rodents, well it’s a cat and mouse situation. Spokesmouse Barry the Rat claimed that Larry was engaged in a vendetta against his family. “Constantly chasing us, killing us and frightening the children,” squeaked Barry indignantly. “We are permanently ratty, and haven’t stolen any of the Prime Minister’s cheese for weeks!”
Sorry, Dilyn. Life’s a bitch.