GET READY TO STIFFEN YOURS : The behaviourism scientists and eugenicists filtering the medical specialists’ advice to the UK PM have offered reassurances as to how we’re getting it just right with Coronavirus, while all the silly foreigners are falling apart.
“Foreign chaps lack an upper lip capable of stiffening,” Mad Boffin Batshit told LCD Views’ pandemic correspondent, in an interview that was somewhat reserved and panic free.
“Clearly they are biologically capable of stiffening their lip, well, most of them. Some have had the ability bred right out of their race of course. But many still could, thanks to having British ancestors in their recent family tree,” Mad Boffin Batshit went on, “but psychologically they are inferior to British chaps. They lack the basic mental fortitude to look mass death in the face, shrug and show suitable reserve.”
But while it’s clear why the UK government is taking an increasingly diverse line on the viral threat to our European counterparts, Mad Boffin Batshit knows who will come out of all this looking the best.
“Look, we can’t very well thumb our nose at all that EU stuff and then go and copy their reaction to Covid-19. It will weaken our hand in the Brexit negotiations,” Mad Boffin Batshit explained, “when the foreign boys look at how we purposely arranged to cull our own herd of its weak, they’ll know the UK is completely full of stiffs.”
To help people understand why the British approach is best the government will shortly be launching a public information campaign.
“It will be just like the ‘Get Ready’ ones last year,” Mad Boffin Batshit advised, “except this time it will have the lyrics of ‘Ring a ring a rosie’ on them, just in case anyone’s forgot.”