Boris Johnson begins making ICU ventilators out of empty wine crates

COMETH THE HOUR WHERE IS THE MAN : Britain’s shite Churchill tribute act, Boris de coughille Johnson, has sought to get back in the front of the fight against Covid-19 today by changing his personal habits.

“He’s no longer making buses and painting little people on the side,” a Downing Street ‘source’ told LCD Views, “he’s now making ICU ventilators. He’ll do this in his spare time, which given that he never does any actual work, he should be able to produce dozens of them just this month.”

The news will be reassuring for Britons, who may get the vague impression from the contradictory briefings to select journalists, that the gaslighting tossers that brought you Brexit, via manipulation of just enough of a largely comatose electorate, don’t have a clue what to do about Coronavirus except gaslight it.

“The whole, we’re going to thin the herd strategy favoured by Dom and the Eugenicists (Great band! You should catch them live) has gone down a bit rum. Some are worried it’s sacrificed our position of leadership right at the start of the crisis. We can’t personally think why? I despise Christmas with my parents. And if enough of the oldies drop off the perch then women will have to give up work and return to full time childcare in the home. The crazed religious types will love it. It’s really a win win for several of the more insane sects within the Conservative Party.”

Of course not all of Europe’s leaders are taking an arts and crafts approach to the Covid-19 crisis. Some of them foolishly built sovereign wealth funds, rather than splurging oil cash on tax breaks for the wealthy.

“It really just shows you how frivolous and easily panicked foreigners are. They don’t have the stomach to take it on the chin like the British. You just pay attention, whenever a large enough wedge of the general public take it into their own hands to get in front of the Coronavirus crisis, the government will be right behind to follow their lead and claim leadership.”

The NHS will be taking delivery of the first Johnson made ICU machine just as soon as he’s finished emptying the crate of Pétrus, which at a £1,000 a bottle (retail) makes a Johnson ventilator competitively priced.

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