MAD AS A BOX OF FROGS : THE UNITED KINGDOM is feeling cooler today and in no way feverish, at least not with Covid-19, as lack of testing, especially of NHS staff, means ignorance is bliss.
Those who fail to prepare and all that, but let’s not focus on that.
“But there’s still a need for hard facts for the hard of hearing,” our Public Health Matters correspondent reports, “and I have been talking to a Downing Street ‘source’ about how disseminating information will be handled daily from now on. The afternoon press briefings from the prime minister are getting a much needed makeover, but will keep the same blithe familiarity we’ve all come to know and love from the people’s prime minister.”
It’s not just the virus that needs disseminating, the UK population also needs to achieve herd immunity on bullshit.
“To this end Stanley Johnson will be taking over the daily press briefings,” our correspondent confirms, “his son is frankly terrified of them and can’t always rely on a friendly journalist to let him off the hook with a gag (reflex) trigger.”
Mr Johnson Snr will take today’s game of word salad tennis from the press corp and he’ll breathe new life into it.
“Boris will still be present,” our correspondent adds, “but he’ll be in the corner in a fridge. A Wetherspoons fridge that is and Stanley has sensibly decided to shift the location of the Q&A to the pub.”
Rest assured Global Britons you are in hands, we’re just not exactly sure they are safe hands. We haven’t finished modelling it out yet…