UK not in EU medical schemes because UK Gov will do “whatever it takes” to beat Covid-19, but it won’t do that

MEATLOAF AS A FORM OF GOVERNMENT : THE UK GOVERNMENT has put itself behind the national shield wall and faced the threat from the invading Coronavirus, and pledged to do “whatever it takes” to beat the virus.

“In terms of our efforts we’re practicing social distancing,” a Downing Street ‘source’ told LCD Views, “we’ve told people to stay home, but not those people. We’ve told our NHS staff they’ll have all the resources and equipment they need, so long as they pop along to B&Q before their shift and buy their own PPE. It goes on like this. Our efforts are socially distanced from each other. There’s still plenty of room for CV-19 to waltz right through. But we’re not practicing ‘herd immunity’ still. Well, not officially, maybe by default?”

But what about criticism that the UK government is refusing to participate in EU procurement schemes to buy ventilators, protective gear for hospital staff or Coronavirus testing kits?

“Well, we’ll do anything to beat Coronavirus and save the lives of British citizens, but we won’t do that. It may save time, money and lives to do it but it would undermine Brexit. We have to look to the future. And everyone knows that a British built ventilator is the only one that can move British oxygen in and about of British lungs. Foreign chaps and their machines can’t do that.”

Well that’s all perfectly sensible. I’m sure if you held a referendum on the strategy you’d get the support of a majority. What snappy title have you given it?

“Meatloaf,” the source replied, “we’ll do anything to beat Coronavirus, but we won’t do that.”

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