GLOBAL BRITAIN EMPIRE 2.0 TO THE MAX : The decision by Germany and Turkey to send medical aide to the U.K. has been seized on tonight by Brexit backing Tories.
“It’s a little patronising,” a leading imaginary member of the ERG told LCD Views, “but it just shows how much they need us more than we need them.”
The ventilators from Germany, who apparently can spare them, and the PPE from Turkey, in spite of how Boris “take it on the chin” Johnson and chums misused them in the service of Brexit, is welcome though.
“It’s a status thing,” the ERG went on, “Germany is apologising for past misdeeds and Turkey is sending supplication in the hope of favours from us. It’s all just as we expected when we legally exited the tyrannical European Union earlier this year. It’s been relatively plain sailing ever since. As you can see for yourself.”
But there are rumours of deeper, Brexit related motivations, alongside the well publicised shortage of both ventilators and PPE equipment in the U.K.
“When Xi rang up Boris in January to warn of the shitstorm heading our way he should have been ringing to give us all the supplies we’d need a few months down the line. You can’t expect a G7 member like ourselves to be distracted from sending Lid Truss off on trade expeditions to prepare for a pandemic months in advance. It’s just not cricket. And besides, Cheltenham had to go ahead, just ask the betting industry.”
But surely trade is the hidden motivation in sending medical aide to the leading, global, economic powerhouse that is the U.K.? Freed of the shackles of negotiating deals alongside half a billion other people?
“That’s exactly it. They’re trying to butter us up for a post Brexit trade deal. Brexit, which is definitely happening when the transition ends later this year. You can bank on it. Much like a celebratory 50p that you probably don’t want to hold right now because you don’t know where it’s been.”