GET THE NUMBERS YOU NEED TODAY : Matt Hancock, Health Secretary, has moved to quell the growing scandal over PPE by announcing a new wonder order.
“My department received an offer, via email, to supply 500 tonnes of face masks from a reportedly reputable supplier,” he told a press conference this morning, “we have accepted the offer and transferred the cash. It has to be a big order because the supplier used a large font when making the offer.”
With concern over the supply of sufficient PPE for health and care workers spreading through the country as fast as CV-19, it’s good to know that Matt is on the job.
“I have everything in hand,” Hancock reassures the country, “a wife of a Conservative MP will be overseeing the distribution of the face masks and everyone will get the protection they need.”
But concerns have been raised, although mostly by traitors, that after the Turkish medical gown furore inspectors should have been sent to check the stock before the order was placed.
“That would just waste precious time,” Mr Hancock rebutted, “Donald Trump himself has recommended the supplier.”
But where is this face mask manufacturer located, if not in Blighty?
“Why Covfefe. And that was more than enough for me.”