Power to the people! Yeah coz democracy. No coz communism. Erm… let’s have a managed no deal referendum!
In a measure that comes as a complete surprise to observers of this government, the major decisions are being sub-contracted out to the general public.
Who would have guessed? The successor to an administration that chickened out of making a decision about the country’s future relationship with Europe has chickened out of making a decision about how to handle a lockdown.
LCD Views sought the opinion of former governmental advisor, and current angry frustrated madman, Gordon Bennett.
“I give up with this bunch of incompetent charlatans,” he raged. “They have been brought up to do whatever the flip they like, and leave matron to clear up the mess. All their decisions have always been made for them. Public school taught them to bully and cheat their way through life. These men are useless in charge of anything, but ideal if you want to plan a midnight raid on the kitchens.”
This abdication of duty is also how we ended up with Brexit.
“Precisely,” Bennett spluttered. “David Cameron refuses to face down the extremists in his party. Instead he tried to fob them off with a referendum. Well we all know what happened next. Instead of facing the music, he ran away and hid in a shed.”
Something of a common thread here.
“Johnson rarely comes out of his fridge these days,” said Bennett through gritted teeth. “Where we need strength, we get weakness. Where we need courage, we get cowardice. Where we need clarity, we get a vague load of meaningless waffle. Where we need visible leadership, we get Dominic fucking Raab.”
And the decisions about going to work, health and safety, travel and so on, are being left to the common sense of The People.
“Life or death decisions are being pushed on to people who shove creme eggs up their bum and think that Boaty McBoatface is a good name for a polar exploration ship,” he almost screamed. “Gordon Bennett! I despair, I really do.”
There will not be another referendum. The People are up shit creek without a paddle, and those nominally in charge are expected to take the money and run any day now.