BOOK EARLY TO ATTEND THE BOOK BURNING : It’s fair to say that everyone in the United Kingdom is ecstatic today with the confirmation that the government is to be committed, to the Festival of Brexit.
While the running order for the Festival is still to be finalised we have been given a leak which reveals some truly tasty events in the works.
“All the electricity in the U.K. will be diverted to a special Satanic portal being constructed just for the portal,” a source on the organising committee tells LCD Views. “Through it we expect to summon the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse to continue the work of Boris Johnson’s government.”
Other exciting spectacles are planned and some you will literally be able to warm your hands over.
“A rusty skip will be installed in the centre of the field and a book burning will be held in it. Books on economics, trade, human rights, diplomacy, conflict resolution, political accountability, global kleptocracy, history and climate change will be burnt. It just remains to decide who will pour the petrol in and who will light the match. But it will be properly symbolic.”
Union Flags will of course be compulsory with giant flag poles erected to look like the hangman’s scaffolds of old.
Perhaps the greatest moment will come in the climatic closing stages of the Festival when all remaining taxpayers’ money not already pissed away on Brexit will be burnt on a special bonfire.
”The UK’s actual royal couple, Boris and Carrie, will set fire to that blaze. God Save The Queen will be sung during the event by a troupe of Farage impersonators. Boris and Carrie are already in practice for burning the cash. And as the ashes of learning and the ashes of the UK’s last cash reserves swirl up to the heavens in the twilight you will actually, finally be able to smell Brexit.”