‘Anything not containing a sausage’ joins croissants on The Telegraph’s list of unpatriotic breakfasts

ARE YOU FEELING FROSTY : The report of what private citizen, David Frost, had for Brexit in Brussels, before getting to grips with old Barnier, have sent tremors through British society.

“The Telegraph sure flushed the ‘talking Britain down’ brigade out of the woodwork,” an aide working for the UK’s vanishing act prime minister, Mr Johnson, told LCD Views, “only a real British man can eat beans, eggs and sausages for Brexit. You won’t see the continentals do it. They’ve not the stomach for it.”

While no one is certain what Barnier had for breakfast, largely because the European press isn’t stupid enough to report on it as important, you can almost guarantee it wasn’t a full English.

Traitors might speculate he’ll declare he’s had that once he’s finished negotiating on behalf of half a billion people with an increasingly shambolic Johnson administration being run out of a fridge.

“Later this will The Telegraph will be publishing a list of unpatriotic breakfasts so all Brits can get behind the democratically unaccountable chin of Boris who’s been given the task of deciding everyone’s fate.”

You can be damn sure croissants will be high on the list.

“Basically it’ll be anything not containing a sausage. Eat that pork intestine wrapped feast and fell British!”

Some would say that by getting jingoistic over a breakfast of beans, sausages and eggs that The Telegraph has just made the UK seem that little bit smaller. In fact, that they couldn’t make the country appear smaller in the eyes of the world if they tried. But those people clearly aren’t patriots and probably had a fucking pain au chocolat for breakfast. That’ll never make a success of Brexit!

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