Boris Johnson appoints himself chief fridge inspector

The British Prime Minister has taken some decisive action at last. In the midst of a life-threatening pandemic, he has been (not unfairly) accused of dithering and costing lives. But now he’s taking a stand on an issue of public health and safety, and about time.

In a statement issued last night, Boris Johnson announced that he had personally added to his job the title of “chief fridge inspector”, and will be inspecting any fridge he comes across from now on.

His statement was deliver in last night’s briefing:

“In an effort to guard public safety, especially in kitchens, I am personally appointing myself chief fridge inspector, effective immediately, and will examine in detail any fridge I deem to be potentially unsafe to battle this crisis. These inspections will take absolute priority, and I will not hesitate to carry one out, no matter what else is pressing.”

This comes in the wake of Donald Trump’s revelation that he had been inspecting his bunker at a time of national crisis.

It raises the question of whether this new job will interfere with his other more important responsibilities, and whether there will be a clash between his “inspections” and things like PMQs and press briefings.

“Look,” the PM said. “Fridges are a big thing. I mean they’re almost as important as buses for God’s sake! You never know when they might need inspecting. And Dom and I got our heads together and had this wonderful idea that I should be the one to check them, as I have a kind of sixth sense for fridges.”

Rumours that his own fridge is on the blink thanks to his attempts at DIY maintenance were also firmly brushed aside.

“So how do the British people feel now, eh?” he went on. “Knowing that their Prime Minister is personally looking after this vital issue, hands-on, no stone unturned.”

Well, it’s nice to know when our leaders are looking out for what matters. I wouldn’t know, I can’t remember when that last happened here.

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