Boris Johnson attends opening of first “Four Seasons Total Landscaping” outlet in London

THE GREATEST SALESMAN ON EARTH : WORLD BEATING snake oil salesman, and Prime Minister of the United Kingdom, Boris Johnson has kicked off the traditional Boxing Day sales in central London.

While most global Britons were still sleeping off the turkey cocktails and rubbing bellies filled to bursting with roast champagne yesterday, ever restless Mr Johnson was hard at work.

“That’s because he hasn’t gone to bed yet,” an aide to the Clark Kent of international retail told LCD Views, “he had a whole crate of Chateaux Margaux 1996 to work through. There’s no going to bed until the job is done.”

And the job on Boxing Day is to open one of the newest, most vigorous political outlets.

“He brought the first English franchise of Four Seasons Total Landscaping off Donald Trump earlier this month and there’s no better place to situate the outlet than 10 Downing Street.”

What will be sold by the hucksters of international feudalism is eye catching indeed.

“He’s kicked off with some impressive giveaways. He’s given Gibraltar back to the Spanish and NI to Ireland. Norway is said to be interested in Yorkshire, out of a sentimental attachment that reaches back to the early Middle Ages and it’s likely he’ll give the entirety of Scotland away as soon as sales flag later next year.”

But the opening of the outlet at 10 Downing Street isn’t the only change coming to the famous postcode.

“There are plans to convert No 11 Downing Street into a crematorium for the country’s finances, or a dildo shop to reflect the flexibility of the creative economics that goes on inside there. It’s just a matter of deciding which.”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *