WORLD BEATING : UK PRIME MINISTER, BORIS JOHNSON, HAS ONLY burnished his already fulsome reputation since taking office. It’s fair to say he’s built on the 10 years of Tory government since 2010, and now has a raft of world beating achievements.
“Full to the brim with success,” a Downing Street insider told LCD Views, “we’re bursting at the seams. The cup over flows you could say. Thigh slapping stuff!”
The reason for the extra seasonal cheer is the successful negotiation between Her Majesty’s Government and UNICEF.
It was announced today that the 6th biggest economy in the world, with roughly 145 resident billionaires, has successfully negotiated for the United Nations programme to feed hungry British children.
“This will save us money that can be spent on nuclear weapons and the reimposition of anachronistic trading systems last seen decades ago.”
The food parcels will also free up additional public money that can be spent on PPE contracts to people who have Matt Hancock’s phone number, and pay rises for Dom.
But not everyone is happy about the gold standard deal negotiated with Unicef, that sees Britain once again headline news around the world – for the achievements under Mr Johnson.
“Liz Truss is a little put out. As she is the master negotiator.”
But Ms Truss need feel no ruffling of her feathers, as she only negotiates short term continuity arrangements, which will expire and allow our international partners to come back and have another go, when we’re really desperate. A hum, Brexit.
To mark the feeding of British children by Unicef the UK’s parliamentarians are expected to have a champagne Christmas dinner before going into recess until 2021.
“It’s moments like this that we all went into politics for,” a member of Mr Johnson’s cabinet told LCD Views, “knowing that David Cameron’s big society is now truly international.”