Boris Johnson changes his name to Boris O’Johnson to win over Joe Biden

THE SPINNING TOP : OUTGOING UK PRIME MINISTER BORIS JOHNSON has moved swiftly to leverage his special relationship with the new government looming across the pond in America.

While most lesser commentators expect Mr Johnson to have a frosty relationship with the administration of Joe Biden and Kamala Harris, some are quick to point out that Mr Johnson can change his spots faster than a leopard.

“Many supposedly learned political obsessives have already declared that Boris Johnson’s friendship with Joe Biden is dead in the water, at launch, due to his history of thinly veiled racist comments about Barrack Obama, cosying up to that sociopath Trump, and complete disregard for the welfare of the peoples of Ireland,” our in house hero notes, “but they underestimate the lengths Mr Johnson will go to in the service of self preservation.”

And those lengths are gesture deep. Because that will work.

“He’s not having his usual Sunday morning lie in today,” we ramble on, “he’s already with his lawyer drawing up the deeds needed for a legal change of name. Quite the diplomat. World beating in fact.”

The ramped up move is the addition of an O’ to his surname.

“Later today, after the necessary paperwork has been processed Britain’s prime minister will be Boris O’Johnson. A move that will wash away the stains of years of short termism and politically leveraged racism. Not to mention his colonial approach to peace in Ireland. And as an extra move, that video footage of him refusing to shake hands with black supporters at a Tory Party event will be erased from all social media platforms. There is no lengths Mr Johnson will not go to to keep the special relationship special.”

It’s understood that Dominic Cummings will also be changing his name to Dominic O’Goings, just as soon as Mr O’Johnson gets up the courage to tell O’him.

Change is coming, and not just to America.

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