A man called Boris Johnson has confirmed, following a live field test, that sorry really is the hardest word.
“It’s an oak doorstop. It’s British bluestone. It’s confoundingly confuddlingly confusesome!” the man bafflingly still Foreign Secretary declared after spending an entire day attempting to say it.
“I struggle to think,” he paused, “what could be a harder word to say than sorry. It’s child’s play when you’re not saying it to another person. But. But by Jupiter scorned by Venus for Mars I can sooner get my chops chomping on a lie the size of a big red bus than say the bally thing when a woman’s life and mental health are on the line.”
The test came about presumably because when Johnson was told to read his briefs, he decided to just wing it instead and perhaps read his actual underwear briefs?
“He’s damned if he does and damned if he doesn’t,” LCD’s Great Powers correspondent noted.
“He’s a senior British official who’s managed to land himself smack bang in the palm of a foreign power.
May is driving Brexit forward for the benefit of foreign powers, potentially.
God only knows what Priti Patel was up to? Trying to arrange to send overseas aid money to a foreign military?
And now this Johnson is Iran’s toy. Why doesn’t he just get on a plane now and go and ask what they want to let her go?
You really have to ask yourself if it’s fair to ask any of them to say sorry, because it’s obvious all of them knows not what they do.”