Boris Johnson denies offering Donald Trump refuge at Barnard Castle

ROGUE’S RETREAT : FADING UK PRIME MINISTER, BORIS “PLAGUE” JOHNSON has been forced to divert his attention away from battling Covid today and address international issues.

This should cause no alarm, as many experts believe if Boris Johnson hadn’t been involved the UK would have already recovered.

And the reason for the wrenching away of Johnson’s famous laser like focus is the rumour circulating in the UK media that Mr Johnson has offered to assist Donald Trump, should the later need to leave the USA in a hurry.

Gossip amongst Westminster insiders say that Mr Johnson has phoned Mr Trump to ask if he would like a room prepared at Barnard Castle.

“Barnard Castle is where all the rogues run to,” our foreign affairs specialist comments, “it’s where Lord Lucan currently resides. Harold Holt, that missing Australian PM, he’s there. Oh, and Dominic Cummings is known to frequent it whenever his eyesight blurs. Donald Trump will feel right at home.”

But while the accommodation will certainly be acceptable to a Trump on the run, there are additional whispers that Mr Trump is showing a little lack of self awareness.

“He’s demanding Barnard Castle be renamed Trump Castle Barnard, which has taken the PM back a bit, as that’ll just confuse his mate Cummings when he enters the address into his SatNav. Never mind the additional demand that the ramparts are repainted gold, to give them some of that Trump class.”

But it must be noted that these rumours have been denied by 10 Downing Street who insist that Barnard Castle remains a Nightingale Optometrists focused on the eye tests which are required to recover from Covid.

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