WHAT’S THE CASH VALUE OF UNCUT BS : The NHS is feeling relieved today after Downing Street found a way to secure the promise on the big red bus.
“The £350m to the NHS bus? We’ve sorted it,” a Downing Street source told LCD Views, “don’t say we don’t keep our promises.”
Whether or not the additional funding promised by the Prime Minister on the 2016 EUref campaign trail would ever be delivered has been a source of ongoing contention.
“No more. They can have the actual bus. It’s iconic. A collectible item from the UK’s struggle to free itself from global realities and continental interdependence in a rapidly changing, often hostile world. The extra funding promised can now be considered delivered and that one has been got done too! Just like the assurance no one is threatening the UK’s place in the single market. Oh and EU27 citizens’ rights will not change as a result of Brexit. Oh and we’ll have forty trade deals ready to sign the moment we leave the EU.”
The delivery of the bus will also ease concerns that the NHS was going to get the money promised only as a result of a fire-sale if its assets to US private health interests.
But how will the receipt of the bus translate into hard cash?
“They can auction it off if they want? Certain to raise billions when it goes under the hammer. Or keep it and charge access? Wherever it rests is bound to be a site of pilgrimage for the Brexit faithful.”
Maybe stick a pole inside it and charge for technological lessons?
“Corr, now you’re talking. Every course will easily take in over £100,000 and you can fill the bus and charge like a wounded bull every day.”
Brexit, it’s up to everyone to help make it as successful as the promises that got us into this mess.