LIFE LONG PEER : PRIME MINISTER BORIS JOHNSON STANDS ACCUSED TODAY OF DISHING OUT PEERAGES AND KNIGHTHOODS to friends and donors, with little thought to the democratic damage.
But amongst the furore over Kremlin linked donors becoming Lords, Brexit backing ex-Labour MPs elevating, attention seeking, contrarian rent a gobs going up too, and men who put bins out getting knighthoods, many have missed an obvious name on the list.
“Lord Covid-19 of Westminster,” a source at Downing Street confirmed, “it has a nice ring to it, don’t you think? And to be honest, Lord Covid has done more to help us out as we barrel towards the cliff edge of a No Deal Brexit, like a runaway wheelbarrow full of burning chickens (who should be roosting quietly) than most on the list. It deserves to get the ermine.”
However there is some confusion over what aspect of Covid’s service to Johnson the vicious little strand of RNA is getting the award for.
“People are asking if it’s for services to disguising the impact of Brexit? It is. People are also asking is it because of how Lord Covid has allowed us to loot the Exchequer egregiously, like a failed state run by a mob? It’s that too. It’s both things. Oh, and it once put the bins out. Which was nice.”
And there is another obvious element to the elevation of Covid-19 to the Lords.
“It’s a life peerage,” the source added, “which with our management of the pandemic is exactly how long we expect Covid-19 to be with us. And to enjoy its tangible benefits.”