Boris Johnson in deepest holiday since records of Boris Johnson’s holidays began

JUST BORIS BEING BORIS : OFFICIAL CONFIRMATION TODAY that Boris Johnson’s premiership can not be in crisis, in spite of some clearly unpatriotic headlines.

“He’s proven himself to be world beating,” a Downing Street source told LCD Views. “Leaders, like that show off in New Zealand, are almost hyperactive in the face of a minor setback. But not Boris. You can’t ruffle his feathers. And it’s not because, in spite of carefully crafted appearances, they appear pre-ruffled.”

And it’s certain that the United Kingdom will take great reassurance in knowing that nothing can stop a Boris Johnson holiday. Not even the worst economic downturn on record, on the back of the Covid-19 crisis and with no deal agreed yet with the EU.

“If you can keep your holiday itinerary while all about you [in government] aren’t cancelling theirs either, it shows you’re made of the right stuff to lead. Besides, nothing can stop a parliamentary recess. It’s the most stubborn force on Earth. It would be a really rum show if Mr Johnson stayed in Downing Street while half his cabinet are exporting proper British Covid-19 to the continent.”

But some have suggested that Mr Johnson should at least appear to give a toss? Especially as millions look set to abruptly become unemployed, in part because of the unwillingness to lockdown the U.K. economy just to stop some of the economically inactive from dying.

“Why? Dominic Cummings isn’t on holiday. So what are you moaning and gloomsaying for? He’ll have the right slogan for the recession released any day now. You’ll see. With a bit of Blitz spirit we’ll rebound. If only off the back of PPE contracts.”

Presumably the slogan will be ‘Get Recession Done”. That will take care of it.

“Actually it’s more likely to be ‘Take it on the chin’ again. More apt. Under us the entire country is getting chinned.”

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