Boris Johnson in secret talks to buy Costa del Sol and save Brexit voters’ homes

VANDALUBORISIA : In recent days the reliable news media of the United Kingdom has been overflowing with stories of good British people being persecuted by Spanish authorities. Happily the People’s Prime Minister is going into bat for them.

“Just because some people voted for Brexit who lived in Spain it should not mean they have to leave Spain,” a Downing Street source stated. “We are explaining that to the Spanish authorities in strident terms. All in caps and shouted in English.”

Of course many would not have had to leave Spain, after voting to be thrown out of Spain, if they had taken steps to ensure they could legally stay in Spain.

“Why should they have to? They’re British. That surely makes a difference. Do the Spanish authorities really appreciate how dependent on British men and women turning into leather in their sun their economy is? The way they are behaving suggests they do not. It’s unreasonable to apply the law to British people. We’re British!”

But just in case the Spanish authorities insist on sticking to the law Mr Johnson has a Plan B.

“I can’t say that Mr Johnson’s government understands any government that actually sticks to the law? Bit bloody old fashioned if you ask me. Still, we’ve got a way around all this. We’re simply going to buy the Costa del Sol. That way no ex-pat will ever be treated like an immigrant.”

But what if the Spanish won’t sell the Costa del Sol to Downing Street?

“They will. Don’t worry. We’re shouting our offer at them in English.”

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