LOOKING FOR TIPS : Leader of the free world Donald Trump is set to grace Buckingham Palace again this spring after accepting an invitation from Britain’s mini-Trump, Boris Johnson.
Rumours of the gold standard, world beating invitation to the former president began circulating on anti-social media over the weekend, but because Donald Trump asked Twitter to close his account he wasn’t there to confirm or deny it.
10 Downing Street wasn’t giving the game away either, playing a blinder with a dead cat about a submarine, tourist walkway over the WW2 munitions dump in the Irish Sea.
“It’s part of the owning the libs agenda,” a 10 Downing Street source told LCD Views. “Can you imagine the stink it is going to cause? And not just from Londoners storing up their wee in the hope of throwing bottles of gold at Trump. Universities are going to be forced at gunpoint to teach students about how Donald Trump and Boris Johnson together saved the Western hemisphere from democracy.”
The decision to invite the man who made America grate again to the UK is also seen as a key poke in the eye to the EU.
“They’ll have to settle with Biden. But we all know that just as soon as Donald Trump deals with the backlog of federal prosecutions coming his way, and settles the estimated $1.1bn he owes to his very understanding creditors, he’ll be running for president in 2024 because what could keep the ageing cardiac in waiting down? Other than the prosecutions, unpaid debt and obesity?”
It’s believed also that Mr Johnson and Mr Trump will have a lot to talk about, and not just infidelity. They also have histories of racist comments to bond over, dodgy foreign backers and hair, hair, hair.
“This will secure the USUKA trade deal. Liz Truss will be allowed to stand in the room hugging a Union Jack flag at one point, just for her social media accounts. But Boris and Donald will be talking turkey, because that’s the only kind of voter whoever votes for them.”