Boris Johnson offers to lead inquiry into his “failure to be honest”

NO TRUTH SERUM NEEDED : THE PRIME MINISTER IS SAID TO BE IN A HUNGOVER MOOD THIS MORNING, but that is in no way a hindrance to him performing the duties of his office. That’s because it’s mostly dressing up.

It’s further reported that he is ready to work cross party with opposition MPs to conduct the inquiry into his endless lying.

“He takes claims about a failure to be honest extremely seriously. It’s possible he has been honest once and he would like to identify exactly when that was. This will enable him to avoid repeating it.”

The most likely time period is thought to have been “over dinner” when he may have inadvertently admitted “he preferred the Claret to the Barolo”.

Whether or not the inquiry will focus on his serial bullshitting in the Houses of Parliament isn’t yet clear.

“We’re still working out the terms of the inquiry the PM will lead. It is clear it will be over a long lunch, potentially even and entire bacchanalian weekend at Chequers.”

There is thought to be some disquiet though that the largest party of opposition in English politics are choosing not to take part in the cross party initiative.

“That’s fine with the PM. Tories have ruled the country for the majority of its existence. This is because the other mob insist that people need to see them as the only saviour possible and refuse to openly cooperate with the splitters, regardless of how that’s worked for everyone in 2010, 2015, 2017, 2019 and now. Works for us. Be holier than thou. It allows Johnson untrammelled access to the levers of power.”

It’s unlikely that that paragraph will be included in any report.

“No chance. It was far too honest!”

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