LIARLAND PARADISE : BORIS JOHNSON has his finger on the pulses today of his closest friends as he sets out to imitate a Kardashian trendsetter.
“I’m not sure how he can afford to do it on his budget?” a close friend allegedly told LCD Views, “paying Carrie Symonds lookalikes for Downing Street photo ops is an expensive business. And that’s before he shells out for poop bags for the Dylin lookalikes. I can’t believe he can’t claim that shit on expenses. It’s a scandal.”
But tightened belt or not the people’s prime minister is looking to take a selection of friends away for a dose of normalcy during tiring times.
“You know what they say, all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. The same goes for Boris and Al and whatever other names he uses. A break on an island is just the ticket. Get some normal life back. Bunga bunga parties. Shaking off security details to meet with mysterious Russians. Lots of bouncy blondes. And all paid for by some friendly billionaires.”
And to show he hasn’t lost his sense of play Mr Johnson is believed to have come up with a catchy name for the getaway.
“Will of the People Island Holiday. Get Holidaying Done. Phrases like that. Everyone will know what they’re in for even before they arrive on Mustique.”
But what about friends who fail the medical test?
“How? You saw how Coronavirus ripped through Johnson and the cabinet. It’s not possible to fail the test even if the result is positive.”
But how will the coterie travel to Mustique? Private Jet?
“Yes. But to start the adventure they’ll all be picked up by a big red bus. When you see the big red Boris bus you know you’re being taken for a ride.”