CONTROL OUR FISH : UK PRIME MINISTER BORIS JOHNSON ISN’T HAVING THE BEST YEAR, AND WE ALL FEEL VERY SORRY FOR HIM.
But there is some good news amongst the entirely unavoidable calamities of Brexit, Covid-19 and losing his best mate Donald across the pond.
Today a major environmental group have announced that Mr Johnson is in line to scoop one of their major gongs in 2021.
PysBrishFish, which campaigns for the sustainable use of the seas around the UK, have pegged the PM as a winner. With the runner-ups likely to be Michael Gove and none other than the fishermen’s friend himself John Redwood.
“At the stroke of midnight on the 1st of January 2021 Mr Johnson embarked on one of the most ambitious marine conservation strategies of the modern era,” a representative of PysBrishFish told LCD Views, “he had to be incredibly sneaky to pull it off, but he did. The masterstroke of convincing the UK fishing industry as a collective to act as the poster child of its own destruction was truly a work of political genius.”
But while the plaudits are focused on Boris Johnson successfully pulling the UK out of the EU single market and customs union, not everyone is happy. Nigel Farage is said to be livid, having personally done so much to damage the fishing industry, while pretending to be doing the opposite.
“Nigel did his part. But seriously, he’s under investigation by the FBI, so we worry about being tainted by association. Let’s focus on Boris. With that one act of Brexit he has guaranteed the immediate destruction of large swathes of the British fishing industry,” PysBrishFish notes, “we expect to see the stocks of British fish boom this year. And we’ve Mr Johnson to thank for it.”