Boris Johnson threatens to “Un-Win World War Two” if EU doesn’t cave on shellfish export ban

OPERATION BI-VALVE : The UK’s current wartime leader, Boris Johnson, is oft thought to be a man out of his time. The Restoration may have suited better? The 14th century perhaps? Plenty of plague to mismanage going around then. But here he is in the 21st century controlling the world’s dominate martial superpower.

Like any solid English statesman he finds himself having to school Johnny Foreigner. Those Continentals? Hey? When will they learn?

“It’s silly not to compromise your entire legal framework, which allows dozens of countries to co-exist peacefully, just to rob hardworking British fishermen of a few quid,” a 10 Downing Street source told LCD Views. “Someone should tell the French! And the Italians! And the Germans! And the Dutch! And the Nederlanders! And the people who live in Holland! And the Spanish! The Portuguese. Well, the list goes on. Who do they think they are? They need an exceptional teacher.”

Mr Johnson is clearly that and he is bringing out the big guns. It has nothing to do with the trouble he’s caused in Northern Ireland or the increasing stink of corruption about his government.

“It’s about standing up for Britons! They will take our fish in whatever state we decide. And if they do not Mr Johnson will un-win World War Two. That’ll show them. WW2 lives rent free in all the Conservative MPs minds. It will be especially easy to side with the fascists and stuff the lot of them.”

One World War and One World Cup? Take that unelected bureaucrats!

Just look at all of our flags. We’ve already got ourselves right in position to see the hard right victorious, not just at home in Blighty, but across the Channel too.”

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