Boris Johnson to build test and trace app from empty wine crates

HMS BALDERDASH : CHIN UP GLOBAL BRITONS and get ready to take it with an app!

That’s right, an app! Not a nap. Who do you think you are, the prime minister?

Speaking of which, great news today, coming hot on the heels of the disaster of the Cummings’ Corp “NHS” track and trace app is a new initiative to deliver this vital, viral tech.

“Boris Johnson is to now take control of developing the test and track app,” an aide working closely for PM Dom told LCD Views, “he’s been drinking non-stop to gather the raw materials.”

And reportedly there’s now raw materials aplenty inside 10 Downing Street and Boris “Shaggy Shagger” Johnson is hard at work.

Hard at work with the arts and crafts.

“He’s building the app from empty wine crates right now. It’ll be ready any minute.”

But will one app do for 65m+ people?

“About as well as herd immunity,” the source goes on, “which some could be forgiven for thinking has always been the plan.”

But still, only one app?

“Yes. And the PM is selflessly allowing everyone else to take their turn first. No chance of the missus tracking old Boris in case he needs to find a new support bubble, if he doesn’t have the app.”

Clever thinking.

But how will we know when it’s our turn to use the app?

“Simple. A little picture of you will be painted on the side.“

It’s almost as if as with the story about building buses from empty wine crates, the PM is once again taking everyone for a ride. Oompf!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *