Boris Johnson to choose between devil and deep blue sea

Better the devil you know: Lockdown means lockdown, unless you are the Prime Minister’s Very Specialest special advisor. However, defending “Classic” Dom Cummings means fatally undermining the government’s message. Who to choose? Devilish Dom, or the deep, uncharted waters of Shit Creek?

Johnson is going to have to paddle hard.He is in the worst possible bind he could imagine. Johnson is going to have to make a decision on his own.This must be the first time in his pampered existence that he has not had anyone to tell him what to do.

He can’t listen to Dom this time. Even Johnson must know that a line has been crossed. But it is a big decision. Who to throw under the bus? The architect of his Great Victory, or the mass of braying cheerleaders, and in fact the entire foundation of British Democracy? Dither, Delay, Indecision.

It has come to this. Hundreds of loyal, if misguided, Conservative MPs, including cabinet ministers, rushed to defend Classic Dom. But defending Dom means destroying the government’s message. So. Devil. Deep Blue Sea.

Take Back Control? They have totally lost control.

What will Johnson do? This is where strong leadership counts. LCD Views’ Number Ten mole, Liv Inahole, has the latest gossip.

“It’s bedlam, quite frankly,” she reports. “Nobody knows their arse from their elbows. I am extremely glad that I don’t need the toilet.”

Where are they meeting? What is being said?

“They are meeting in the kitchen,” replied Inahole. “That’s because that is where the fridge is. I hear that the Prime Minister has barricaded himself in behind the cheese and the random bottle of relish that went out of date in 2013.”

Is there any progress?

“None,” she said. “Everybody has totally lost their shit, the fan is covered in the stuff, and Dom is doing his nut.”

Time for Boris to take the plunge.

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