A GENEROUS ORGAN : The UK’s most popular serving Prime Minister Boris Johnson is to make a move today that will see his enduring popularity rise even further.
The public have watched and swooned over recent days as details of the stylish and modest makeover of the No. 11 Downing Street flat have spread through the media and social media like the clap. Now the People’s Prime Minister is to take full advantage of the fever.
“We’re choosing a food bank via lottery,” a 10 Downing Street source told LCD Views. “The prime minister will take the spare roll of £850 wallpaper to the winner and donate it. You never know, next time you pop down for some own brand pasta you may come home a winner!”
While one lucky family is sure to find themselves beaming this afternoon, not everyone is thrilled.
“What about the glue, bucket and brush needed to apply the wallpaper to the wall? If you’re renting, can you even use it? Wouldn’t food be better? Or even a reversal in the decades long series of disastrous policies that have seen the food bank sector balloon shamefully?” Frank4378 asked on Twitter, before being arrested.
It’s not clear if Mr Johnson’s current handler will accompany him, or if the casting agency concerned have the time to arrange for the prop dog to be there too, but that shouldn’t dampen your interest.
“The handing over ceremony will be live streamed,” the source adds. “The PM will be wearing his new clothes and he’s going to shake hands with everyone in the food bank, quote a bit of Ancient Greek before walking into a cupboard trying to leave. It will be classic Boris.”
There are rumours that the lottery will also be streamed as Mr Johnson reaches into the hat to pull out the name of the lucky food bank.
“It’s an exceptionally large hat! Clown size. So many names to include. But I can give you a scoop. The winning food bank will be in Jenrick’s constituency as he’s been asked to organise the lottery.”