Boris Johnson to pose in front of a bus that says “Nothing to see here”

DOES IT MATTER? As the Electoral Commission starts to investigate Boris Johnson’s dodgy (allegedly) dealings, the PM is fighting back. He intends to park the bus outside Number Ten to remind the investigators of their place. 

The reliably anonymous Downing Street “source” claimed that the investigators’ place is almost anywhere else. 

Does anybody care? Probably. This is a matter of integrity and honesty, and it is of paramount importance. But the opinion of The People only counts when it coincides with the prevailing orthodoxy. 

Ministers have been probed with questions. “Who initially paid for this ghastly rubbish?” Liz Truss, the pull-string talking Sindy doll of the cabinet, trotted out the same line however many times her string was pulled. Johnson himself lost his rag in the House, and would probably have punched Keir Starmer if it hadn’t been for the covid-proof perspex screens between them. 

“The money was only resting in my account,” reads Dominic Cummings’ retrospectively amended genius flash of foresight, quoting his erstwhile boss. “What should I do, Dom?” Cummings’ alleged reply was “You’re going to need a bigger bus.” 

So a bus it is. Written on one side, in massive letters, will be the legend “Nothing to see here.” On the other side, “I personally endorse, erm, you know, I’m totally in favour of powerful mayors, wiff waff, erm, you know the one I mean. Great Scott!” 

Nobody knows why Johnson is going to pose in front of a big red bus with a humungous fib painted on it. After all, this tactic had absolutely no bearing on the Brexit referendum. 

The bill for hiring and painting the bus is believed to run into many millions of pounds. The contract has already been awarded to a mate of Matt Hancock’s who once had a picture exhibited in the Vision On gallery. 

Corruption, sleaze, embezzlement, incompetence, taking the absolute mickey? It’s time to move on. 

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *