WHATEVER YOU NEED WHENEVER YOU DON’T NEED IT : UK PRIME MINISTER Boris Johnson has interrupted his alleged afternoon drinking session to save Global maritime trade.
“It’s a big move for the boss to stop boozing post PMQs,” a 10 Downing Street source told LCD Views. “He usually spends the afternoon recovering from the only scrutiny he engages in. He’s a proper democrat. He should be building a bus out of empty wine crates later, but instead he’ll be patting himself on the back for solving this crisis. When he heard the words Suez and crisis he knew he was being called to act.”
The form the assistance will take will be largely symbolic, with the PM having authorised the sending on one Spitfire aircraft to be taken by cargo ship to the Suez Canal.
“Once there it will be assembled and flown over the stack freighter. The sheer uplift in morale alone should be enough to re-float the tanker and save global maritime trade.”
There were suggestions that he could organise for JCB to send some diggers, after photos circulated on social media of a digger attempting to push the stranded ship off the coast. But this was discarded after realisation that Mr Johnson may need them to drive through a wall of styrofoam boxes.
Additional assistance will be provided though in the form of the prime minister clapping at 8pm on Thursday evening. Potentially even while holding Dylin the prop dog.
When queried why the Spitfire though? Surely a more muscular and modern approach will be needed? The source just shrugged.
“A Spitfire flyover was good enough to thanks the NHS? It’s the template for all government gratitude now when what is needed is something substantially more than the symbolic.”