WE’VE GOT A SITUATION HERE : The UK’s prime minister is on a one man mission to spend all of the UK’s money and he doesn’t let an opportunity pass to splash more of it up the wall. Any wall.
In keeping with his raison d’être he has announced that a new room will be built within 10 Downing Street at extravagant cost. Nicknamed “The Situation Room”, it will be a hair salon just for the use of Mr Johnson and his inner circle.
“The Prime Minister believes a man’s appearance is a key to understanding his inner workings. His base psychology. His values. Clothes maketh the man and all that. But so does hair,” a 10 Downing Street source told LCD Views. “In keeping with this the PM needs to ensure his appearance is consistent.”
While not many would disagree with any of them, some would argue at the cost of fitting the hair salon into the historic address.
“It’s mostly the cost of installing the industrial strength wind turbine,” the source illuminates. “The old days of dragging himself backwards through a hedge are over. He’s serious about his look now. He will stand in the wind tunnel and an aide will crank the dial to 11, which is higher than 10, and he will get the full force of the tornado strength gale face first.”
Additional cost is believed to be involved in keeping a consistent stock of puppies in a basket.
“After the wind blasting he will have the puppies placed on his head and let them do whatever it is they like. Only then is he considered suitably styled to talk to the nation about his world beating pandemic death toll. Oh and Brexit. Which he got done.”