FAMINE WILL DO AS FAMINE PLEASES : Prime Minister Dominic Johnson has used that august platform, The Daily Torygraph, to communicate his latest strategy to defeat Covid-19.
“We’re going to outwit the virus by befriending the virus,” he said, in another stunning display of out of the box thinking, “invite it into each and every home. Once it is comfortable, with its slippers on, then we will launch our attack!”
It seems a key plank in this masterplan is to take direct control of the busiest horsemen.
“To this end we will now take direct control of plague, disease, man flu or whatever you want to call it,” Prime Minister Boris Cummings continued, “we will take control back by losing control. We will award every contract to control, track, trace, isolate, quarantinate, and generally carpetbagate from Covid-19 to a raft of big name corporate chums. Not to those ridiculously unprofitable public health concerns that have specialities in tracing infectious diseases in their communities. One can hardly ride a horse if one blinkers it, blinds it and hobbles it! Cash. Horses run on mountains of cash.”
Quite what famine and war, and whatever the other horsemen is called, will do whilst Plague is getting the special treatment isn’t yet clear.
But we’re sure some media trained halfwit, promoted to the cabinet solely on the basis of an ability to be submissive and smash their moral compass, will be along soon to tell us in soundbites how they’re taking it.
Boris Dominic Johnson Cummings, taking control of fuck all, and by doing so riding a famous horse very well, thank you very much. Now line up and vote. Just turn your back if the MP next to you sneezes. It’ll be alright. Bit of pluck and Blitz spirit and Covid-19 will do exactly as the government wants it to. Achoooooo.