Boris Johnson to tunnel under EU trade rules and appear like magic on the other side

SPOON FOR A SHOVEL : Some people dream small and accomplish small things. Some people dream big, very big, and accomplish nothing. Luckily for Global Britons their prime minister Boris Johnson is a big dreamer.

“But the EU isn’t so fortunate,” a 10 Downing Street source told LCD Views. “They have to deal with the result of Johnson’s big dreams. And they best watch out because when it comes to giant schemes Boris punches above his weight.”

And the latest wheeze, rolled out by chance over the weekend, when not enough focus was on whether or not Matt Hancock should resign, concerns the EU directly.

“They’re so boring. They insist on thinking the way to get a multi-nation union to work together is constant agreement on a shared set of rules and values. Whereas Boris knows it’s acquisition of executive power, bullshit and silencing of dissent that does it. But they don’t learn. They keep banging on about rules for this and rules for that. They’re quietly decimating our export industries. The big girly swots. Johnson has a plan though to get under all that. They won’t see it coming, because they don’t read or speak English. We all know that.”

The details of the latest plan to distract from a minister who should be sacked haven’t yet been fully worked out, but what is known is that Britain is building. Britain is digging and it’s going to keep digging.

“Johnson is personally going to break ground on a tunnel that will take British exports directly under all those boring EU trade rules. The great mole is going to show them, or rather, not show them.”

And where does the tunnel end? What’s on the other side?

“Boris Johnson is on the other side! Once he finishes digging he’ll pop up like magic on the other side of the EU trade rules and all our exporters will magically follow him.”

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