Boris Johnson to urge Scots to judge him by his actions and not his reputation

SMASHER IN CHIEF : HULK IS NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO SMASHES, British Prime Minister, Boris de piffle Johnson is also given to a bit of smash and grab. But unlike the famous green skinned superhero, Mr Johnson doesn’t break things fighting against injustice.

In this vein he’s off to Scotland to try and stop himself from breaking the Union.

“He’s got some great words planned,” an aide to the PM told LCD Views, “Dom’s worked him up a few slogans of course, but he’s also got some of the best, just the brightest, words of his own.”

And the words are occasionally multisyllabic.

“He’s going to reach right into the chests of Scots for their hearts. Grab those thumping organs and squeeze.”

But what is he going to say to them?

“He’s going to implore them to judge him by his actions and not his reputation.”


“To see him as he really is and not how he is portrayed in the biased right wing media.”

Are you sure they’ve thought this through?

“He’s going to ask the Scots to really think about why they voted to stay in the UK during the IndyRef in 2014. Was it because they liked being ruled by unelected bureaucrats? Or was it because of the way in which representative democracy is managed from Downing Street?”

It’s not too late to do something different you know?

“And he’ll finish by reminding them that we’re stronger together as a family of nations, values aligned, leveraging the strength of our combined industries, populations and the cost savings that come from a unified, single market.”

What date is Scottish independence again?

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