Boris Johnson’s Garden Bridge to be built on Irish Sea floor

THEY SAID IT COULDN’T BE DONE : Every time the great visionary Boris Johnson suggests a monumental building project of daft implausibility the blind, the meek, the lazy say it can’t be done. But that doesn’t stop him suggesting it again a few months later.

We want to know why? So we asked a specialist.

“It’s because he’s a fucking idiot and a show off with an emotional age of five,” our in house psychologist suggested. “I maybe invented but I can see clearly what the problem is, without the need for obscure language.”

And it seems there is no need to dress up Mr Johnson’s now routine, and cyclical, suggestion of a grand building project.

“He does this because he can’t think of anything realistic to do to improve people’s lives and he’s an egomaniac. He wants to think there will be an impressive project lasting through time, after he’s finished taking care of the social care problem via the pandemic.”

But just because Boris Johnson says it can be done doesn’t mean it can’t.

“It does. The entire premise is bogus. Apparently the tunnel to Ireland will take care of the trade issues for the North? How? Driving under the sea eliminates customs in a way sailing over doesn’t? It makes no sense.”

But what it does at least make is vegetables. As reports of the tunnel do not mention the key facet that it is to be a garden bridge tunnel and produce fresh fruit and vegetables.

“Now you’re just being silly. What’s wrong with focusing on just growing mushrooms? Which is fair enough, given the entire method of Boris Johnson’s government is to keep us in the dark and feed us shit.”

Look forward to the bridge idea being recycled again in a few months time when Mr Johnson needs it to distract us, again, in a few months time.

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