Breaking : Churchill statue actually hidden from view after it criticised Dominic Cummings

BREAKING BRITAIN : DOWNING STREET HAS ISSUED an urgent clarification regarding the statue of Winston Churchill in central London, the statue they are glad everyone is talking about rather than the urgent issue of institutional racism in the UK.

“For the last day or two people have been talking about the statue of Winston Churchill,” a Downing Street source said, “this is great! They’re not talking about Black Lives Matter(ing) if they’re talking about WW2. Unfortunately this seismic global conflict is little discussed in the United Kingdom today. We blame ourselves for that. Recent statistics indicate that representatives of HMG, and right wing media pundits, allowed several seconds to pass last week when no one invoked WW2. We will do better. But, while you’re here, we do need to clear up a common misconception that appears to be taking root within the population.”

Is it that you do not want far right protests in central London to distract from the urgent cause of BLM?

“Hardly. Have you looked at the diversity of thought in government? No. It’s about the hoarding placed around Winston Churchill. It is not meant to resemble a monument to Boris Johnson, hiding in a fridge, even though it does.”

Is that the clarification? I can see why you’ve said something. It was looking pretty funny.

“No. That is not the clarification. The statue of Winston Churchill, who singlehandedly won WW2, while waiting for the Commonwealth, US, a goodly majority of European peoples, and Russia to turn up, was covered for an entirely different reason.”

Oh. And that is?

“It criticised Dominic Cummings. So like the Chief Nurse and certain scientists, whose names will be erased from the official records, it has been disappeared.”

Crikey. What did the statue say?

“The statue didn’t say anything. Winston Churchill himself did to Dom while he was having one of his visionary dreams. Basically it was an act of treason and Mr Churchill is now as gone as a Tory MP in 2019 suggesting we shouldn’t completely crash the economy. And let that be a lesson to the rest of you!”

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