HANCOCK AND HANCOCK LTD : The UK’s world beating Secretary of State for Health Matt Hancock is said to be “taking his time to come to terms” with his sister over a lucrative NHS contract.
The measured approached is mostly counted in bags of gold, but also due to the shock discovery by Mr Hancock that his latest business partner is his sibling.
“I’m bowled over,” Mr Hancock is reported to have told colleagues. “I wonder who else I’ve been giving multi-million pound pandemic contracts to unaware we’re related?”
The surprising discovery is said to be rapidly healing the deep felt sadness Mr Hancock has always “carried since I was an infant” at the belief he was an only child. Apparently his parents constructed an elaborate maze in the family home which was supposed to entertain their offspring on rainy days, but resulted in none of them ever meeting face to face.
“From time to time I’d hear a girl singing,” Mr Hancock is said to have said. “I just assumed it was a songbird. Now I know it’s my sister. I must have unconsciously given her the contracts unaware I also had substantial holdings in the company involved. It’s amazing what your subconscious gets up to.”
Clearly there is no evidence of wrongdoing in any of this on any level.
“I want the public to have full confidence in the process used to dish out instant wealth during this surprisingly endless crisis,” Mr Hancock is preparing to tell the country. “For this reason I still be appointing my sister to chair an inquiry into our dealings. She’s as stunned as I am.”
Such a revelation will be hard to move on from quickly, but we’re sure an attempt will be made.