BREAKING LEAK : PM’s debt of £535 owed to “Central Animal Casting – Prop. Dog. Day rate £535”

PLEASE LET IT BE TRUE : 10 Downing Street is said to be in a frenzied state this morning and fevered discussions are happening over “Who will wake the Prime Minister and tell him?”

The cause of the caustic condition is rumoured to be a Whitehall leak overnight to absolutely no one at all as we’ve just made it up out of wishful thinking.

“Dylin is rented,” the fabrication says. “Day rate £535. Central Animal Casting Mayfair.”

While the fact the Downing Street dog is rented as and when needed will surprise no one, the fact the PM doesn’t pay the bill owing will also surprise no one.

“We’re going to have to call a COBR meeting and decide who wakes him up,” a 10 Downing Street source tells LCD Views. “This is more serious than the Indian variant rising in Bolton. We may even have to call in one of his lady friends to do it. By some fiendish trick of fate the Downing Street kitchens are out of the ingredients needed for his morning hangover cure. Something about an unpaid grocery bill. No one can go out and get them as he’s already picked all our pockets clean.”

The revelation that the bill is for the dog will at least put paid to the scandalous rumours that pretty much everyone ever pictured with the PM in a “family setting” either does not exist or is also hired on an “as and when needed” basis.

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