DUMMY FOR A DUMMY : The skies over Washington DC have been busy overnight as the US President’s helicopter, Marine One, was called into action on an emergency mission.
News that big baby Donnie has still not slept through the night since the confirmation of his election loss is believed to be behind the vision that people gathered beyond the fencing surrounding the White House witnessed.
“The UFO appeared in the sky shortly after 1am,” our Washington correspondent reveals, “with the searchlights on top of the White House lighting up what at first appeared to be a large circular object moving erratically through the sky.”
But as the object approached closer to the White House what it was became clear.
“A dummy,” our reporter continues, “which in American currency is called a pacificer.”
And a pacifier is certainly needed, with outgoing President Trump understood to be raging around the historic building and refusing his bottle.
“Melania is shattered. She’s been unable to get him to settle for days. Even threatening a screen ban hasn’t worked. Which is a shame, FOX pivoted in the winds has only made his tantrum worse.”
Hopes are the pacifier will at least give Mr Trump’s primary carers a few moments of silence.
“It’s burger flavoured,” our correspondent adds, “so there’s hopes he will at least suck on it as hard as his he’s taking his defeat. If this doesn’t work they’ll have to call for Super Nanny. Or perhaps just sedate him with a tranquiliser gun. All options are still on the table.”