BREAKING : PM’s plane will be repainted with icons symbolising his achievements

BY THIS TIME NEXT YEAR WE’LL ALL BE MILLIONAIRES : DROWNING STREET has confirmed this morning that the highly popular plan to repaint the PM’s plane, in a patriotic pattern, has been ditched.

“We couldn’t source the required amount of red, white and blue striped paint,” a Downing Street source told LCD Views, “in spite of giving some mate of Dom’s (with a recently opened model aeroplane shop) a £108m contract for the paint. Without tender clearly, national emergency, time was of the essence. Still, we have no regrets. Public money has moved to private pockets. On any reasonable measure that’s a success.”

But the revised paint plan will at least silence critics, who are becoming increasingly focused on the way in which the Johnson administration dolls out public money like it’s candy, with no perceivable concern about outcomes.

“We’re not going to bother with the Union Jacks on the fuselage now,” the source shrugged, “I hope that keeps everyone happy? To be fair it would have been a bit pointless. We’ll be having to repaint it with just the Saint George cross shortly. So a plain plane it is. We can do that very simply. We’re going to paint a list of Boris Johnson’s achievements on it. Or more accurately, iconography depicting his premiership.”

While the icons are selected and stuck on a public consultation will be held to rename the PM’s plane, in the manner of Airforce One.

“AirFarce Dumb is currently the most popular. Although personally I favour ConAir. I really like the movie.”

Look up in the sky, is it a bird, is it a plane? Or is it another massive waste of taxpayer’s money?

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