Brexit latest : Dodgy Michelin stars replaced by British ‘Francois stars’ to rate UK restaurants

STAR BURSTS : Knowing which side your bread is buttered on has never been more important than now as the UK seizes the opportunities made possible by complete severance with ill thought out continental rules and red tape.

Take that Brussels!

The same is true of restaurant ratings. As of today the dodgy French system of rating an eatery’s quality in alignment with the whims and peculiarities of a fat French bloke made of car tyres, driving randomly around the landscape, is no more in Britain.

No less august culinary authority than the Home Office has banned Michelin Stars and replaced them with a proper, traditional British system.

“Potatriot Stars will let you know if a place serves proper grub the right way,” Home Office junior minister, Mr Gout, told LCD Views, “one star, or Francois as we’ve nicknamed them, will let you know a cafe or restaurant has both brown and red sauce available. Two stars will tell you the liquor on that mash has the right fragrance, reminiscent of suspicious bodily fluids. But three Francois’s tells you you’re in for a meat and two veg extravaganza, consisting of something that looks like meat and two veg, perhaps even of two different varieties.”

Guide books will be issued and be available for British motorists when they renew their passports to ones they won’t use much anymore.

“A Potatriot Star, or Stars, will confirm you’re dining in an establishment that will never serve you an avocado. It won’t threaten you with anything vaguely fat free. It will definitely be dishing up proper grub, with vegetables that have been boiled for a legal minimum of three to four hours, until those greens are greys. Mmm, good old fashioned food the way it used to be.”

But we hear there will be some restaurants that will be excluded from ever gaining a Francois?

“Yes. Vegan restaurants. They’re to be boarded up and burnt to the ground as Britons break free of the shackles of Brussels!”

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