GETTING SMALLER ALL THE TIME : THE CONSERVATIVE AND UNIONIST PARTY, AKA BREXIT PARTY, has hailed the success of its latest algorithm.
The algorithm concerned has been in operation since 2015 (although some point to analogue versions that have been used since the 1970’s) and has successfully downgraded the United Kingdom to England.
“It will take time for the full impact of the regrading to be obvious,” a Downing Street source told LCD Views, “but Prime Minister Cummings is exceptionally pleased with the results.”
It’s not the first time such an algorithm has been used to successfully downgrade a functioning parliamentary democracy, governing a multitude of various regions, into just one.
“But it’s one of the most obvious.”
And now the algorithm has been used to shed the United Kingdom of the parts not given to English nationalism it has been turned inward to make further changes.
“Big Ben is being replaced by an hourglass, which some critics have labelled a job creation scheme, as someone has to turn it every hour. But we think the feeling of pride to be gained in the job is worth it. Especially as an aide to Liz Truss sells hour glasses by the batch for only £252m.”
But as part of the Cummings/Johnson administrations commitment to levelling up the country, the North will see changes too.
“The Angel of the North is going to be replaced by a Wicker Man. This will ensure summer harvest is always celebrated in the traditional way. Whoever fails the patriot score the heaviest, after algorithm regrading, will be placed inside. It’ll be a reviving of a classic festival in which the entire country can come together and warm the cockles of their hearts.”
Still, there’s always a critic, with some pointing out that the UK has been Little Britain since the 23/06/16 and there’s little real point in a further downgrading.
“I think the whole world now sees us for who we have become,” one said, “this continual regrading is just a PR exercise to make it look like the government is doing something.”