HOT SALTY TEARS : PROUD BREXITER Mr Bazza Gammon, 56 of Little England Street, Littler England, Ingerland, has been found having a tantrum in his living room after completing the 2021 Census.
Mr Gammon’s third wife found him “on the floor hitting the carpet with his curled up fists and screaming unstoppably”.
Mrs Gammon reportedly initially left Mr Gammon to it on the assumption that her husband had failed in his latest bid to interrupt constructive discourse in a progressive social media group.
”I just thought he got schooled trying to convince someone the Nazi’s were socialists,” Mrs Gammon told LCD Views. “Either that or someone had discovered he didn’t even serve in the catering corp of the Territorials. But it was worse than I thought.”
It was when Mr Gammon failed to come to the dinner table for a lunch of beef, corned beef, spam and turnips that Mrs Gammon decided to find out what the problem was.
“It turns out it was the Census. They didn’t list British Empire as a country of residence or birth. For Bazza that’s a terrible affront. He has a framed photo of the Queen over the toilet and everything.”
It seems Mrs Gammon did attempt to retrieve the Census form after explaining to her husband that “There was probably an Other option and he could just write it in.”
Unfortunately the form had already been submitted.
“Submitted means submitted he sobbed,” Mrs Gammon shrugged. “Still it’s not all bad. I was completely unaware he had sufficient enough grasp of written Ingerlish to fill in the form to begin with!”