HAVE I GOT ROTTING FISH FOR YOU : The media is full of reports for days of British fish dying happily because they know they’ll rot on a British dock.
But it’s not just the fish that are dying, it appears great swathes of the industry itself is laying on the dock gasping and flapping about.
The impact of the fishing industry is of course completely unexpected.
What use a shoals of trade experts warning of ruin when world famous trade expert Nigel Farage said otherwise? Who needs to research such credible claims from such august public figures?
People have, after all, had quite enough of experts. They want dark money funded bigots to confirm their biases and encourage their greed instead.
“But it’s not just Farage, Prime Minister Johnson deserves due praise indeed,” a 10 Downing Street source told LCD Views. “You know Mr Johnson? Boris? He’s the guy in that Tory party conference film who refuses to shake hands with the black attendees in a line up.”
Mr Johnson, famous clown, amateur rugby player, father to uncounted children and poster boy of Brexit. He did it all with a smirk and eye catching stunts. And he promised the world. And he made voters laugh.
“It is his world beating ability to entertain that makes him a box office draw at the ballot box,” the insider adds, “who needs those boring politicians who drone on about reality when you can watch a big kid in a hard hat smash down some polystyrene boxes with a forklift! What a hoot!”
But now it seems the laughing is dying away, just like the industry Brexit promised to promote.
“British fishermen should take solace,” the source reminds us. “Their industry may lose countless small traders, but before we got to this point millions had a good old laugh at Boris. Al to his friends. No. No. Not you fisherman. To you he’ll always be Boris.”