British fishing industry told to relocate to flooded Kent lorry park

SLIPPERY WHEN WET : THE CORNER HAS BEEN TURNED TODAY for the beleaguered British fishing industry after the government accelerated plans to make it more British.

In order to do this the entire stock of British fish will be relocated to within the actual landmass of England.

“This is not to say this is just an English nationalist cause,” a spokesman for 10 Downing Street told LCD Views, “the entirety of these islands will benefit from photos of British fish safe and secure inland.”

But while the government is using terms such as inland to describe the move, that’s not entirely correct.

“It is correct to say that while the fish will be moved inland, they’ll still be in water. So no one has anything to fear. Additionally, it will make the future of the industry even more secure as fishermen will be able to find them much easier. And importantly, the French won’t have a chance because from 2021 they won’t be able to enter the country. This is what taking back control of our fish means in reality.”

But critics have pointed out that in order to catch the fish inland British fishermen will need to move their boats inland too, and given that the site of the new camp is in Kent, many will need Kent Access Permits to get their boats inside the newest of British overseas territories.

“It will all be worth it. The plan was always to leave the EU and catch as many fish as fast as possible, without thought to sustainability, and this accelerates the scheme to one massive, one off pay day, after which everyone goes broke.”

And where exactly will the British fish be relocated to, inside Kent?

“The flooded Kent lorry park of course. It’s not like anyone is going to be daft enough to send a lorry across the Channel to Blighty from 2021. They’ll never get the bleeding truck home again. This is a perfect example of adaptable thinking at top of government. And you’re welcome to it.”

Check. Change. Go Bankrupt. The future is certain.

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