WRAP UP GOOD AND WARM IN IT : The UK’s prime minister is a famous humanitarian and with the latest budget from his government comes heartwarming measures for the world’s neediest.
While some commentators have been distracted by trifling concerns such as a halving of the aid budget to Yemen, while arms sales to Saudi Arabia go from strength to strength, so they can drop them on Yemen, sharp eyed reporters have noticed a benevolent step forwards.
“We can confirm that funding for Union Jack flag purchases has been increased to £350m per week,” a treasury source told LCD Views. “We’re a little miffed it didn’t get more coverage. People get bogged down in poverty wages for nurses and miss the important stuff.”
The funding is especially directed, as with the flag purchases, to benefit some of the world’s poorest and most troubled.
“It was actually a brainwave of Priti Patel’s. Which is not something that is often said. Ha!”
It seems the thinking is that one way to stop all these desperate people risking their lives to escape danger and make it to the sanctuary of a disused army barracks in Kent is to send them something British.
“If they have a British flag at home then they can wrap up nice and warm in it and they won’t need to come here and upset Nigel Farage. He’s busy enough as it is trying to save the fishing industry, which apparently he helped wreck. It’s really a stroke of genius by the Home Secretary. We should be thanked for it.”