GILL ME STRENGTH : DOWNING STREET HAS ISSUED A DIRECT COMMAND TO ALL PATRIOTS TODAY, AND THAT MEAN’S YOU.
“All Global Britons, of able body, and sane mind, are ordered to head to the British coast,” the edict reads, “and begin training individual British fish in hand to fin combat.”
The instruction is believed to have been issued in order to make British fish ready for the post Brexit reality slamming into the UK like a comet on Jan 1st 2021.
“This is the hour of need for British fish and everyone must step up to the plate.”
It’s not clear at this stage if chips and tartar sauce will be on the plate.
But what is clear is the threat faced by British fish, who are all at constant risk of being caught and eaten by someone who isn’t British. Even if most of the fish caught by British fishermen are not eaten by Brits. That is neither here nor there in the hour of need of British fish.
“In time, with dedication and commitment from the land based warrior race that is Britons, British fish will be able to fend for themselves. But for now they need you.”
What martial art each Briton should train its chosen fish in isn’t stipulated, but it’s heavily suggested that Ecky Thump is the go to art. This will be a significant boost for the British armament industry, in particular the black pudding manufacturers.
“Britain is a serious country for serious people and your leaders are serious.”
It is hoped in time specially adapted marine Spitfires will be produced and the fish can form squadrons of flying fish to take the fight to the forrins.
“Britain’s fish need you! Do your part! Don’t be sat there with an empty plate while a foreigner dines in your plaice.”