CERN : Scientists confirm if they can open door to parallel universe they will shove Trump through

IT’S THE HOPE THAT KILLS YOU : CERN scientists like to gamble. This is obvious by their intention to attempt to create mini blackholes in the hope of contacting a parallel universe during 2020. But like all canny fanciers of odds they also hope the gamble will pay off.

To this end they will cycle up the atom smashing Large Hadron Collider near Geneva next week and then keep their fingers crossed. Will they successfully create a black hole or won’t they?

“We better. This is the last shot to save humanity, unless the American voters can wade their way through all the fraud and electoral crime to actually vote Donald Trump out,” a CERN spokesman told LCD Views, “this is why we’re doing the experiment to open a door to a parallel universe before the US election, and not after. If we fail it will be up to you America. I’m keeping my fingers crossed.”

But if they are successful in opening a door way to another universe, what then? Aren’t they worried something may come through it?

“Well, there is some concern we maybe doing that current Twitter trend of ‘How it started…and how it’s going’. You’ve seen the film ‘Pacific Rim’? Great fun. There’s some concern giant, space lava spewing monsters may come through, but we think it’s worth the risk.”


“Because if we are able to create mini blackholes and a door to a parallel universe it will be just the opportunity we’re looking for. We’ll invite Donald Trump to hold a rally at the LHR and then shove him right through the door.”

But what will happen after that?

“We’ll close it. Jesus. We’re scientists. Not maniacs.”

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